o_d_btard

OMFG...I'm back on LJ posting about suicide. It seems to be my current go-to site for emo-ting and I'm going to have to do something about that. In the meantime, since it's the only place that I've already written about the subject (see The Case For Rational Suicide), I'll continue here.

My Suicide Clock (think Doomsday Clock) is now at about a quarter to midnight. It moved up a notch this past week when I got passed over for a "Hail Mary" job with relative security, health insurance and a 401k that would have been a I lifeline for me and many of the problems -including health, career and financial issues- I'm currently burdened with.

The long and the short of it is, I am currently at REDCON 2 and have about a year left before I go to REDCON 1 readiness level prior to executing Operation An Hero (see: Personal Exit Strategy).

The only question I have to ask myself now is how to spend the cash I have to work with and what I want and need to do with the time I have left.

I'm lucky in that I don't have any family or much in the way of responsibilities to take into consideration however, I do have two cats that I need to make plans for before I shuffle off, so it's not like I can just fuck off on another set of excellent adventures seeking out Opium dens in exotic places guilt-free without a plan.

I definitely intend to indulge my wanderlust before I /quit but what else? I'd undoubtedly enjoy my last year more if I got surgery on my wrecked shoulder, busted foot and whatever is wrong with my hip before I go travelling but the price tag and time spent in physical therapy recovering would rob me of 6 months and a good chunk of the change I have left to do what I want to do.

Hmm...

Since Yiri and weev have dragged me kicking and screaming into an LJ post-fest, I figure I should spell out my own suicide which I have roughly planned for late 2010 -based on my current bank statement.

When my 401k (which I'm currently living off) is down to $5,000, I will get on a plane for Bali and I will check into my favourite hotel there. I will then spend my time kicking it, relaxing, letting go of all the stress, partying and generally having a great time.

This absolutely fabulous 'vacation' will be paid for by the 3 credit cards I currently have. When the last one is finally declined, I shall order a bottle of Cristal champagne and drink it whilst I shoot up the best Morphine money has already bought until I overdose.

Having zero responsibilities in life, I will have left behind nothing but a few friends and a couple of family members -who will get over it.

A IRL friend of mine blew his brains out last week. No note but he had AIDS, was in a lot of pain and was on a lot of drugs so maybe it was just a 'panic' suicide; the unplanned, sudden onset "fuck it all" type of thing.

He was a nice guy but I won't really miss him cos I didn't see him that much and I hardly ever get emotional over death -even 'sad' ones- cos it's a done deal and any 'void' is just like when a friend moves to Brazil or something (if there is an afterlife, I really hope it's like Rio).

Anyway, he left his carcass sitting in a pool of shit and piss and -of course- the blood all over the place including the carpet and walls of his Los Angeles rental. Never mind the mental trauma he generously left for the person who discovered his body, someone has to clean that up.

With that (and another potential An Hero friend in mind), I would like to add this to my Rational Suicide post.

If you're going to suicide, don't be selfish with your choice of location. Don't do it where friends and family are going to have to live with the vision of a dead body in a pool of your own waste; someone's gotta clean that up.

Be considerate. If you really want to suicide do it somewhere nobody will find you.

My personal plan (we should all have an exit strategy) involves being in Bali when it's time (I intend to have a solo going-away party for myself first) and either the woods or an ocean -somewhere you could actually provide a tasty snack for a bear or a shark and they would dispose of the body.

You'll also save tax payer dollars if you provide a note to be found after the fact telling them you're now chum and not to bother looking for you.

In most cases, life is not worth living. The idea that happiness is a raison d'etre logically means that nearly everyone is unhappy (after being born a blank slate). So unhappiness is the norm -the meaning of life- and the quest for happiness is merely a by-product and not our natural condition. Looking for happiness then is not that different than looking for a good drug dealer with good drugs.

99% of human beings serve no real, 'natural' purpose or reason to keep on going through the motions whatsoever. The majority of the world's population is just the means of production by which the few attain "happiness" (altho, I don't know many truly happy rich folk).

Sure most become 'necessary' thanks to manmade things like economies -to make them work- but economies would not be necessary if there were no humans. Pretty much everything we do as humans is built around the notion of perpetuating a species -to the detriment of all others- that has not shown any proof that it deserves a place on this planet as part of the ecosystem.

All the 'good', 'worthwhile' stuff people have done -and continue to do- is only 'good' and 'worthwhile' when put into the context of the human condition/experience. Splitting the atom and curing cancer is pretty useless to every other creature on the planet.

I read a book called "The Sirens of Titan" by Kurt Vonnegut recently and the punchline of the story is that the entire sum of all human knowledge/achievement over thousands of years was little more than a works project by an alien race from another galaxy trying to send a message to one of their own stranded in another galaxy. The message was that they were sending help.

If only we were actually that useful.

KLULZ IS ALL THE WAY LIVE! http://ping.fm/6sWdw

[10:23am] killhamster: what up odb
[10:23am] killhamster: you're just in time
[10:24am] GLaDOS: NOW PLAYING ON K-LULZ: Shpongle - Around The World In A Tea Daze (http://www.klulz.com) --- Listen in at http://ping.fm/6sWdw
[10:24am] OldDirtyBtard: what am i just in time for KH? tea and crumpets?
[10:24am] killhamster: for me to melt off your fucking face
[10:24am] OldDirtyBtard: oic.
[10:25am] •OldDirtyBtard applies SPF 60

Diddy Is A Jackass

So I'm writing a handy guidebook for these complicated times we find ourselves in. If we all just take these 'rules' for granted and follow them without question -as blindly as, say, we brush our teeth in the morning- we can devote our limited and/or drug & alcohol ravaged brains to more important matters; leik creative trolling techniques.

This is a work in progress and apart from the fact that it'll be coming in spurts, seeing as it's written from the male perspective, it will need tweaking for the female of the species.

Anyway...here goes.

#1. Always have at least a six pack of decent beer (ie probably not American) in the fridge -even if you don't drink. If you have enough money, also have a decent bottle of Chardonnay in there and a bottle of Absolut (yes, I'm aware that Grey Goose etc. etc. is better) in the freezer with some cranberry juice as a mixer.

These should be as untouchable as your earthquake emergency kit Vicodins.

#2. If you do nothing else in the personal hygiene department, always keep your nutsac and taint shaved in case Scarlett Johansson pops in for some cheese. It doesn't matter if you haven't showered for a week -even though you do an hour of hardcore cardio every day- if your package is clean, you can present the cheese on your pen0r and she won't notice your mildly salty flavour.

(If you have a drug habit -especially benzos) and eat a lot of red meat, you may need to run the roll-on by your pits).

Tomorrow:

#3. Housekeeping: The Angelina Jolie Method and #4. Work: The 3.5 Day Week

Whoopdefuckingdoo!

THIS IS MY FIRST POST. IN BEFORE SECOND POST.